Really? Really? There is going to come a time when someone needs to stage an intervention between you two. Or possibly start monitoring your televisual habits... :p

This is very, very wrong in many, many ways. As per usual, however, the writing is not one of them. Very nicely put together, ladies, and I do approve of your splendid use of innuendo :D

(By the way, on this sentence: ‘Like a rabbit in the headlines', Gregg thinks, amused., I'm thinking you probably meant 'headlights' rather than 'headlines'?)